The Ride / Never Goodbye

(Title sounds like a mash-up of songs. I should try doing that.)

This will probably the last Harry Potter related post I’ll be doing in a while. That’s not a promise, of course, but I can tell: it’s going to be a long time before I can say this much about this series again. Not because I’m bitter or sad or have decided to forget it how could you even think that but because I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way about it ever again, like everything that my heart has been unconsciously plugging and preventing to come out has broken free and I am alive and it’s beating normally again.

I lost. To the question ‘What did Ginny say was tattooed across Harry chest?’ I answered hippogriff. It was a Hungarian Horntail. Prior to that, I got splinching (from the easy round) and Portus (from the medium round, question 394 for the win!) correct.

The technicalities seem a bit insignificant now but as always, they are necessary to the closure I’m feeling. I’m quite all right with not making it through. I can’t say I’m happy that I missed an obvious question, but I’m fine. However, I do feel an incredibly increased hatred toward the character of Ginny Weasley–although my mistake may possibly be just karma for constantly calling her a slut while reading Deathly Hallows. You can’t make me change my mind, Ginny, I still think Harry should’ve ended up with Luna.

So. To the point. Being there, with all those fans, and all the people reacting to questions like ‘which Weasley twin died?’ and ‘what was engraved on Dobby’s tombstone?’ and all their shirts and ballers; having my friends there to cheer me on even if they weren’t really hardcore fans themselves; being in the middle of a bookstore; judging people for their wrong answers; applauding the really young children who are starting to form the new Potter revolution, the second Potter generation; silently laughing at the hipster dude who had lyrics from Marching Bands of Manhattan tattooed on his left arm and saying ‘it’s from an indie song, you probably don’t know it;’ and knowing all the while that I wasn’t alone: it has been a great day. Nerve-wracking and anxious and amused and cold, I had felt more today than I had ever felt this month.

In the wake of the aftermath, I thought about what I felt after watching DH2; the calm emptiness was strange. Everyone was mourning and all I felt was free. Right now though, that freedom has escalated into downright excitement. And it is amazing. I’m excited to read the large stack of neglected books stewing in my room, I’m excited to be nicer to people I’ve snapped at or distractedly spoke to, I’m actually excited to study again.

I feel like I’ve been ignoring a whole part of my life in favor of celebrating this one last stretch of fandom, trying to hold on to it for a little longer. I’m going to pull a Dumbledore and be the first to say that I’ve been letting my life get away from me. I’ve been too wrapped up in my own grief that I forgot the world that my fiction was based on. Pulling another Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell in dreams, and forget to live.

I just finished reading Deathly Hallows for the second time in my life. It’s been three months since I started my journey back into the fandom with Sorcerer’s Stone. There’s a great sense of achievement that comes with fitting a life’s worth of adventures into three months of unspeakable pain and incredible joy. I loved every minute of it, every undisguised tear, every random outburst in a crowded classroom, every exhausted night getting through the last few pages in time. It was my childhood, plain and beautiful and spread out in front of me. It was a ride, like one long road trip through the highways in my head. Reading has never been quite as exhilarating as when I was with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

And it’s because of that exhilaration that I feel the need for goodbye. Well, not goodbye. Never goodbye. I know now that no matter what happens, this will never go away. Whether three months or ten years, my life with Harry Potter is just that: mine. No Voldemort, Umbridge, Death Eater, dementor can ever take that away from me.

I’ve had my fun. I’ve exhausted every bit of fun that there was to be had with this fandom. We’ve given each other all that we could have. Now is the time to return, to pull myself out of the mire, where it was nice and dark and quiet and familiar, and head back into the forest and onward.

So that’s all the metaphors I can churn out in one post. So many things left unread and unwatched for three months, so much to catch up on. It’s like all the air is heading back into my lungs, like I breathed in too much. Okay, that was a simile. So anyway, I’m back in the real world until further notice. Fan fiction, anime, TV shows, beat poetry, Italian phrases, the other side of home.

I’d love to end this on a really deep, sappy sentence. Too bad.


About shaniquasparkles
Fangirl writes. Has never written fanfiction. Pretends to write six-word stories.

2 Responses to The Ride / Never Goodbye

  1. Aureately says:

    For some bizarre reason, I highly doubt that this will be the last ever HP-related post. You’re too much of a fan to do that–well, a free and happy fan, but a passionate one nonetheless. The whole event seems pretty awesome (Istillwanttoseepicturesthough xD) and I’m glad that you’re okay after the horrid Ginny question.

    And because you are free to do whatever and I simply cannot resist… remember: Sherlock.

    Also, that concluding paragraph. So… so… so. Nakakainis na ewan. =))

    • Why does your username keep changing? :)) Kala ko tuloy some other person was reading this blog. Minor heart attack much. :))

      And I dunno, maybe not the last one ever but probably not as much. Hoping that the next major Harry Potter related post will be when I’m at WWoHP. 8D (asa) The most I’ll probably blog about from now on are fan fiction shizzle and Pottermore updates.

      The event really was fun, all things considered. Super fan gathering siya and I had this thought that if we weren’t competing against each other, some of us could be really good friends. It was a total I-belong-in-this-world moment. XD Not a lot of pictures though. Just of the crowd, the host and Dea, Vanessa, Valerie and Lorraine looking down from the second floor. Paalala mo sa kin na iupload. Tatlong pic lang yun, pero tinatamad pa ako. :)) And anyway, matagal ko nang alam na horrid si Ginny, lumakas lang yung feeling. XD

      And yeah, okay, I’ll update my ToWatch list. :)) Also, that last paragraph was there because I wanted the Word Count to be exactly 888 words. =)) And I couldn’t think of anything profound. So yeah. :D

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