This is a crazy planets.

My head hurts because I am slowly going blind but that doesn’t matter because I was about to blog about a dream that I thought was real like it was real and now I’m just going to blog about a dream I thought was real having realized that it’s not.

First. What the hell. This is that awkward moment when you don’t have the faintest inkling that you like a guy and then, what the hell, you dream about him. Is that logical? I ask you: IS THAT LOGICAL? What does this say about me and my feelings? I feel like I spend so much time trying to analyze why I feel things or do things because I don’t know, I have nothing better to do, but then this just jumps out at me out of nowhere. Does this mean I’m not even good at thinking? Or analyzing shit? I thought I was pretty decent at those things, considering I do them all the time.

Second. I don’t know whether this is a consequence of my slowly going blind*, immeasurable lack of things to do and ergo, to dream about, my being incredibly affected by a bad performance in my Theater midterm, my lack of love**, my subconscious need to update this blog at least once a week and the deadline for this week is fast approaching, a repressed story or just trippy afternoon heat.

Third. The dream wasn’t even all that substantial. I can’t even remember much of what happened in the aftermath of my panicking about it’s unreality. I can only remember him showing the slightest interest in me. Slight as in, ‘Hi, I’m sitting next to you by choice and not because this is the only seat left in the room.’ So ano, Shaniqua, kinilig ka na ba dun?

I’m fucking desperate.***

MOVING AWAY FROM THAT NOW. This use of all caps is necessary, I’m sorry for not being a writer and having to resort to crude formatting to establish my points.

So. I asked. And I can take Creative Writing majors next semester. A couple of points that need to be in a bulleted list because I don’t think I can handle the pressure of paragraphs. Also, it might draw your eyes away from the dream spazzing.

  • I’m definitely taking CW 100 (Introduction to Creative Writing), but I’m not sure whether to pick English 21 (Survey of English Literature I) or CL 121 (Critical Approaches to Literature I). I don’t even know the difference. Having friends would be really good right about now. (What is a Slytherin. Someone who looks for friends only when she needs them. Good job, Shaniqua.)
  • I also want to take English 12 as my final AH GE course. It’s World Literature. You read stuff. Lots of stuff. I might suffocate in words next semester, but that’s how you know you’re still fighting.
  • I don’t think I’m actually allowed to take a concentration course yet, so I’m going to assume I can take that during the summer, or at least, the summer after that. If not, then I’ll take what I can during the summer.
  • This is where I mentally chastise myself for not taking NSTP this year and having to take it next year with all my majors. Fun fun fun.
  • Good luck if my grades don’t make the cut when actual shifting time comes around. Insert the world with a superimposed trollface here.
  • Also, I found an upperclassman CW major on Tumblr. This excites me.

I leave you with footnotes.

*I almost fainted the other day in freaking SC, in freaking Rodic’s, and had to go to the infirmary because I was too effing dizzy to walk. I’m just really thankful Dea was there. I’m quite sure I literally would’ve died without her. When I got home, my head started hurting insanely while I was reading. My parents say it’s a sign I’m losing my eyesight. I am a writer. This is not good. (Probably panicking way more than I should, but still, not good.)

**I’m not just talking normal teenage, forever alone, time of the month hormones here. The other day I was told that my grandmother has cancer and was likely to die in six months. I was more concerned over the possibility that she would die on my birthday than on the certainty that she’s going to die so soon. I do not love people as much as I should.

***Which probably explains the fact that I used a title of an existing blog that I haven’t read as the title of this post.

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About shaniquasparkles
Fangirl writes. Has never written fanfiction. Pretends to write six-word stories.

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