Blame it on the hype.

So I’m re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and it’s weird because I feel like I’m reading it for the first time. I read it back in my fourth year of high school (or I dunno, the year the school got infected by AH1N1, because I had a marginal note about that. I think that was fourth year. During that outbreak break, I watched A Very Potter Musical back when it was still called Harry Potter the Musical. Chyeah. That was fourth year.) Anyway, I guess it’s not really one of the books that I…felt.

I remember thinking that it was good, but I didn’t really get all the hype. I guess I was a cynic even back then, I just didn’t know it yet. I think I bought the book because of the hype and since I’m a hipster (even back then, yes, I didn’t know it yet either), I grew accustomed to disagreeing with the hype.

Fuck the hype.

I also remember thinking that it was really sad, and that Charlie was a bit (I’m sorry, Charlie) retarded. Not in the insult way, in the seriously, mentally ill way. And I think he is? I haven’t gotten to that part yet. I think he was molested by his aunt but I don’t know. Also, it’s not really sad, now that I’m reading it again. I actually find it quite funny. Melancholy too. Which is sort a quieter sadness, like not as pronounced as real sadness.

And I’m only seeing the prettiness of the lines now. Maybe I saw them before but since I was a cynic, I didn’t really feel the beauty in them. I think I was too absorbed in looking for the fucking quotes that were going around on Tumblr. And what the hell, this book was published in 1999. Who brought it to light? Why is it only getting attention now? I think that’s the only thing that I felt then that I still feel now: wonder at why this book is only just coming to light, what with the movie and all.

Also, it’s weird, because I write sentences like these now, like the ones in the book. I don’t know whether so many people have copied the style of the author and I just subconsciously picked them up. Weeeird.

Now Charlie sounds normal. I don’t think of him as emotionally scarred anymore, and I can relate to him more now. Wow. How much has changed in two years that I can relate to an emotional teenager? Well, obviously the book hasn’t changed so it’s probably me. I know most of the references now, so that’s one thing, but other than that, I’ve always thought of my college state of mind as just the continuation of my high school state of mind. Apparently, something has changed.

We should start measuring life in these reactions. Change-o-meter. Books are change-o-meters, as well as songs and movies. Actually, anything that can elicit a strong reaction is a change-o-meter.

Maybe I was close-minded when I was 15, which is a horrible realization to come to, but I think I thought of it as boring, just because it was published in 1999 and old books are boring. (Blame my train of thought.)

Then again, I read the Hunger Games the same year. I tried re-reading that too, but I still don’t like it. If possible, I think I like it even less than I did before. I think it’s the hype. The Hunger Games is a lot more hyped up now than it was two years ago, while The Perks has sort of dwindled in terms of how many ‘I swear we were infinite’s I see on Tumblr everyday.

Damn. I should really stop listening to the hype.

Sweeping declaration! (That is not coming true, but I felt like making one and waving my arms about and putting an exclamation mark in this slightly dull blog post. I think the exclamation mark is the unloved, extremist uncle in the family of punctuation marks. I am in favor of supporting its radicality.)

Sweeping declaration: I will stop listening to the hype. It’s annoying and it makes me realize how dependent I am on the opinions of others and how easily influenced I am. Until I learn how to formulate my own opinion, I will try my best to read books or watch movies or listen to songs before hearing anyone else’s take on it.

I don’t want to be a cynic, it’s a scary word to be attached to my name.

I don’t know why but since I was young, I was always inclined to not do what people tell me to do. Or at least, if the command is said in a really annoying, shoving it down my throat, nagging way, I am definitely not going to do it. Like I’m about to take a bath, then my parents shout at me to take a bath, I’m going to sit in my room for half an hour, wait until they catch me reading or something, see how pissed off they are, before actually taking a bath.

I guess it’s the same with books. I need to piss someone off before doing my thing seriously.

Wow, I just came from ‘cynic’ and went all the way to ‘society rebel.’

Go figure. I’m going to read.


About shaniquasparkles
Fangirl writes. Has never written fanfiction. Pretends to write six-word stories.

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