Speaking of Numbers

In the most non-malicious way possible, I say the next sentence with all my heart: I love babies. And the thought that the most important baby of our age (in terms of population, demographics and all that shit) was born in the same country as I was–well, I think that’s pretty awesome.

I’m not the kind of person who thinks about overpopulation on a daily basis. I’m very self-centered. It’s hard enough to worry about myself without worrying about the other 6,999,999 people in the world. But I will say one thing: I will never think of life as a problem. In the issues of abortion and the RH Bill and stuff like that (wow, look who’s getting political), I am pro-life. I do not think it is right to kill a baby. (On the topic of the RH Bill though, I don’t really know. I don’t know exactly what passing that bill entails, but on the topic of abortion, I am, without a doubt, pro-life.)

And I guess I’m having a little morality moment here, as for this year’s NaNoWriMo I have chosen to write about suicide.

I’m not expecting it to be anything life-changing or whatever. To be honest, I just wanted to blow off some steam. I am often so unnerved at the world and at myself that I feel a few…violent tendencies. I guess I just wanted to let that out by exploring a character who’s trying to kill himself and just, can’t.

The trouble I’m having now is I can’t see the reason why anyone would want to kill themselves.

I’ve had my own ‘KILL ME NOW I WANT TO DIE’ moments, but those were deep personal things mixed with an intense lack of self-esteem. The truth is, I don’t really know what’s so bad that you just feel like ending it all, and you won’t stop until you do.

I don’t really know.

Another thing about NaNoWriMo is that people are scary. Being a first-class procrastinator, I am learned in the ways of getting by and still being happy with what you’ve done. I thought reaching today’s quota was enough, but there are people with some mad writing skills out there.

The whole point of NaNoWriMo is to get stuff out, quantity over quality, because sometimes we obsess over quality that we forget about the other thing. That is a terrifying concept to me. I suck at virtually everything except writing and it has become my goal in life to be awesome at that one thing. Therefore, I am a writing perfectionist. I find it hard to move on without everything being impeccable.

It’s a bit discouraging seeing everyone cream the quota like it’s a stale piece of cheesecake. (I am also very competitive at nothing except writing. I’m just going to say it: I AM A GRAMMAR NAZI.)

Oh well. Let’s just do this thing.

Dear baby,

People the world over are welcoming you to our mess. I will tell you a secret: it’s really not as messy as everyone makes it out to be. Life is good. Everyone just overreacts.

Life is also hard, but that’s okay, because everything goes wrong for everyone and we just have to get through it.

Know that in the most non-malicious way possible, someone loves you. Until you stop being a baby, jk.

Never forget to be awesome.


About shaniquasparkles
Fangirl writes. Has never written fanfiction. Pretends to write six-word stories.

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